Posts Tagged 'recuperation'

From Push to Pain

Day 2 of walking and rowing. Push that foot. This is what went through my head during the last quarter mile:

PUSH
posh
post
port
porn
morn
moan
loan
loin
lain
PAIN

/me reaches for the ice pack. 🙂

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Another Step Forward

Things were VERY bad this morning. I was extremely stressed out. Many issues that are “real” and probably some that only seem to be issues because of lack of sleep or insufficient hydration or whatever. I was able to walk in 3.5 inch heels on Thursday, but not very well. PT on Friday didn’t go very well either – could not get the one toe to unlock and flex. Sigh. Things such as that accumulated. As has my weight. Ugh. Before noon the big cranky gray cat had attacked the black kitten twice. I was wound tight and tighter. What to do?

inch by inchIn the past, when I’ve reached that ready-to-scream-and-snap state, I’ve worked out. Okay, well then, I’ve been doing the grocery shopping (1.5 hours in sneakers & upright & moving). I wore 2.5 inch heels all day at the beginning of the week. Surgeon has said I’ll do more harm now by babying the foot than by pushing the limits. It wasn’t much of a decision. I changed into my workout clothes, grabbed my music and headed for the treadmill. I’ve not worked out in over 6 months, probably much longer. *laughing* I wasn’t even sure the treadmill would START. It did and I stepped on. I walked. I walked and I walked and I walked.

My walking was either pitiful or a major triumph. Or both. The FASTEST rate I got to was 2.4 mph. I used to start warming up at 2.6 mph. I pushed the incline up to 4% as I walked. I might not be going fast today but I could go steep. The triumph is that I walked a mile – nonstop. Considering that a few weeks ago I couldn’t walk at all without a major limp, I was quite pleased, even if it took 27 minutes. I started at 2 mph and got it up to 2.4 before I stopped. Considering there was a time I used to RUN, 2.4 is embarrassing. Considering the last few months, 2.4 is a miracle.

If I can walk, well, I’m sure I can row, too. *grin* Yep, I can row. Again, comparing it to what I used to be able to do, I did wince. Comparing it to the last several months – I rock. 180 strokes in 5 minutes.

Even more to the point, I do not seem to have damaged anything anywhere while I walked and rowed. My mood definitely lifted. No question that I worked out the negative energy that was stressing me. Since I think I’ll still be sufficiently limber tomorrow, I’m planning on doing it again.

Wish me luck and continued endurance and commitment. I hear my shoes calling.

Facing Reality

Yesterday I went over the river and through the woods. Not to my grandmother’s house, but to work HQ. The delusion is that I can make the drive without becoming fatigued. On a good day the commute there takes me 2 hours. Yesterday was NOT a good day. It took me about an hour to get across the bridge. All the other roads – to the bridge and after the bridge – were wet and many of the other drivers were both stupidly fast and dangerously slow. It took me close to 2.75 hours to get there. Of course the bridge is all stop-and-go. Which means my right foot is in constant use. Ouch. The reality is that by the time I got to HQ, I was exhausted and in pain. Security has been VERY kind to me and let me park in the VIP lot, close to the door, but that is still a walk. I was smarter this time and brought an ice pack with me. I’d left it in the trunk of my car in the hope it would still be mostly frozen by the time I could use it. 🙂 Thinking ahead this time.

I know that healing takes energy. I’ve told many others that in their time. Somehow I have difficulty internalizing that for myself. It seems unbelievable that merely driving my car should be so tiring. Once I’m at the office, it’s non-stop meetings, talk, work. That doesn’t seem as if it should be tiring, either. But it is. Moving my body with my foot still not 100% takes more energy and effort than seems correct. The upside is that I sooooooo enjoy seeing my coworkers, working on our projects face to face, and laughing and joking together. I do gain nourishment and strength from that. Good thing, because last night was the holiday dinner. Again – lovely, fun, and kept me moving and functioning. I even managed the drive home without too much difficulty because it was late, the roads were dry and there was not much traffic. Thank goodness for cruise control!!!!

People are so good at deluding themselves. It’s been over 9 weeks now. Yet I still wake up each day expecting to have ALL my usual energy and strength. “Usual” for about a year ago. Certainly NOT the “usual” for the last several months. But I still think I’m going to wake up, walk, move, and go full out for hours on end without a problem. Knowing something logically is not the same as knowing something in your functioning reality. Like most people I suppose, I’m very quick to assure others that it’s reasonable and right that they not be back at “full power” and they should relax and take care of themselves. But for myself, well, *shake my head in disagreement”, “don’t be silly”, NO REASON why I shouldn’t be able to do it all.

So here I sit, recovering. I’m sooooo much better than I was: stronger, my foot more flexible, in less pain. Better is NOT the same as recovered, however, no matter how much I want to pretend that it is. Ahuva – meet reality. Reality – please try not to bash her over the head too much. 🙂


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