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OOTD 20150505

I remember being in high school, bursting into tears, and telling my mother how I never wanted to grow up to be like her and my father. How staid. How conventional. How nowhere. Yeah, my mother didn’t really take it all that well. *grin* That’s what happens when you are an emotional teenage girl (is there any OTHER type of teenage girl??) who listened to Carly Simon’s oh-so-uplifing song “That’s the Way I’ve Always Heard It Should Be“.

I am here to tell you that wow – did I have it wrong. Middle age is GREAT. Hanging out with my husband who is also middle-aged (another stupid term by the way) is great. We made it. We’re here. Sure, there were a lot of not-great times, some really really bad times, and some wonderful times. But we’re here now and it’s good. Yes, oh teenage girl of my past. I love being who I am. I know what’s important and what’s not. When to get really upset and when to sigh and let things go. I wear what I want. I think how I want. I make my choices. Obviously there are compromises and there are those nagging icky chores and responsibilities. Those are choices I accepted.

I’ve been thinking this for awhile but a friend plurked this link: What NOT to Wear After Age 50. I saw that and thought – I’ll wear what I darn well please. And indeed, that’s what the article said. We made it to 50. The heck with what anyone else thinks I should wear.

So for all you youngins out there – don’t fret. Middle age is MUCH better than youth. Okay – maybe not the aches and pains and the a-bit-slower-to-stand-from-a-sitting-position. Seriously: Carly Simon had it all wrong. Go ahead. Choose Life that you may live. ūüôā It’s a better path.

OOTD 20150430

I confess – I really, really enjoy these warm, sunny spring days, driving my new-to-me convertible with the top down. ¬†ūüôā ¬†“And she’ll have fun fun fun!”

Let me add that I’m really enjoying being ABLE to commute again. Whereas I love the option to work from home and skip the commute, NOT having the option and HAVING to work from home can get tiresome. I missed the camaraderie of the office and the change of scenery. I still don’t enjoy the traffic congestion, but I’m so happy that I can drive again. Even if it’s NOT in the convertible! ūüôā

OOTD 20150428

Observing the car ahead of me at the light…..

If you are going to drive a Maserati, WHY would you settle for a sedan instead of driving the convertible????

OOTD 20150427

I’ve been reading. ¬†A lot. ¬†It’s a great way to escape. ¬†I love murder mysteries. ¬†For the most part, they get resolved at the end of the book. ¬†Nice, neat, resolved, known. ¬†OVER. ¬†Murder mysteries are usually VERY satisfying.

Even better – finding a NEW AUTHOR!!!! ¬†This author has been about for years – won awards, published many books. ¬†But Ann Cleeves is new to me. ¬†I’ve been reading her Shetland series. ¬†And it gets EVEN BETTER. ¬†Besides a new author who writes great stories and has many books I’ve not yet read….. ¬†I’m learning new words!!! ¬†I have had to look up soooooo many words. The Shetland series is set in Shetland, Scotland. ¬†Other than Shetland ponies I’d never heard of Shetland and its isles. ¬†Most of the words I’ve had to look up are Scottish-isms. ¬†But there have been one or two I’ve checked to make sure I knew both the connotation and denotation. ¬†There are many more than I list here, but these were among the first to spark my curiosity and excitement: ¬†pelagic, maroon, peerie, soothmoother, broch, kirk. ¬†I know that there were more – foods and birds and customs (Up Helly Aa).

I’ve only read 2 of the 4 Shetland seasons. ¬†ūüôā ¬†Still 2 seasons to go!

OOTD 20150308

emotion and logic
Sometimes those two can overlap, sometimes they are not even on the same screen. I am watching my mother suffer from medical issues that we cannot seem to alleviate. We have a theory of the cause and the progression. The solution appears beyond our grasp. I received some unexpected health information this past week. The timing was particularly poor. I expected to hear Result A. What I was told was Result B. Result B is what we believe to be the initial impetus for my mother’s condition. I was fatigued and still heavily medicated when I heard the result. Emotion rose up and throttled logic.

I know that just because I have B I may not end up like my mother. Millions of people have Result B and do not have my mother’s other issue. I know that my mother is older than I by several decades. Forewarned is forearmed and a lot can change in 30 years. I know all that. I know my doctors think that Result B is actually MUCH better than Result A because they think they can do something about B.


It is not their parent lying in that bed, suffering. It is not, perhaps, their deepest fear to be trapped in a body that will not work as desired. There are compromises and there is flexibility and there is bowing to the inevitable and there is accepting life’s challenges with grace. I do understand all of that. You needn’t tell me. I KNOW. This is not about knowing. This is about feeling.
meeting of minds

Sometimes Emotion and Logic align. I WILL ensure that I have the right to end my life with dignity when the time comes. That is my line in the sand. I’m not quitting. I’m going to continue to enjoy life and live it. I will catch the sun and sing it. But I will ensure that however, wherever, whenever the time comes – I will go gently into that good night.

OOTD 20150305

Life is what happens when you are making other plans. Or rather: Death is what happens when you are making other plans. I am watching the truly awful end to my mother’s life. Today I received MRI results that tell me I have started on the same path. I always thought I’d retire to the east coast shore region. Never did I ever think I’d have to move to Vermont or Switzerland.

OOTD 20150303

Saw a great quote the other day. When I searched for the source, there is no one clear-cut source nor phrase. But here’s the version *I* saw and liked:

Anger is like eating poison and expecting the other person to die.

Yay to the “Howard-in-my-head” who taught me that we can hope for behavior from others, but we can’t expect it. Who taught me that “The agenda of anger is pain.” Who taught me to recognize my anger, understand it and let it go.

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