Maybe take this blog with a grain of salt. Let’s see where it goes, okay? I’m facing a lot of frustration in my atomic life (if I were a real atomic person, which I deny. So much easier that way.) Nothing that earth-shattering or important. But taken in combination, well, they tend to suck the energy out of me. And energy, unlike passion and love, is a limited resource. Even two days basking on the beach have not fully offset the garbage factor.
It’s time for yet ANOTHER high school reunion. Now I enjoyed high school. I was in the band, the choir, a gymnast, played volleyball, had friends, went to parties, was in the top 10% of the class, graduated with awards. I was active and participated. I did go to the first reunion. It was tolerable, ending on a sour note, as I recall it. I haven’t gone to any subsequent reunions, which seem to occur every other year. I REALLY don’t get that. Why???? *I* have moved on. Who cares??? It’s done. Over. Yet I have close friends and family who think that reunions are FANTASTIC!!! GREAT!!! What the heck is WRONG with you, Ahuva??
I don’t KNOW what’s wrong with me. I have no desire to go. But for some reason this year, I am being pressured by many, many people. Besides the usual culprits I encounter in my daily life, I have had 5 classmates email me to convince me to go, using both overt and covert methods (our 1st grade teacher will be there; would you like to ride with me?; I’m renting a house down the shore). Maybe this is sour grapes but I don’t want to see these people. I’m glad that they are alive and well. I hope they are happy. But how many times can you stand there and say: yes, I still live in Hometown, USA; yes, I have a son, he’s wonderful, I’m so proud of him, he’s going to college at my alma mater; yes, my husband is wonderful – still on #1; my family is fine, thank you; my job is fine thank you, I work for Company Z; yes, I do software engineering, who’d have thought it?” I’m bored, and that was one time. What are the odds that I am going to reconnect with someone and have the most fabulous time of my life? Or make a contact that opens new doors for me? Or meet an old flame and fall in love? Oh, gee, wouldn’t THAT be convenient. Not.
But. I look at that attitude and I think: could you be any more negative? Is that who and what you want to be? Maybe now is the time to go back and say hi to the people that were once so close to me. Honestly – I don’t see why, I don’t really understand why others are compelled to do this. But I think of the Nickelback song I use as my anthem these days: If Today Were Your Last Day. While the lines that REALLY speak to me are the ones beginning “It’s never too late to reach for the stars”, the song also includes “Would you call those friends you never see? Reminisce old memories?” I’m not sure that you are allowed to pick and choose which part of the gospel you want. 🙂 Hah – THAT is a whole other discussion, is it not??? 🙂
So Ahuva is going to her high school reunion. Most of me thinks this is a big mistake – a waste of my time, money and will further ruin any fond memories I hold. But I will put on my best Ahuva jeans, shoes and top. I will remember that I am She Who Throws Herself Under the Bus and Emerges Stronger and Happier. I will gird myself in the knowledge that I have already accomplished more in the last few months than I could ever have imagined. I will fasten my ribbon-chains on my wrists and dance. Right before I walk out the door – I will turn on my AO. And Ahuva will saunter into that reunion, head held high, knowing that she lets nothing stand in her way. 🙂 If today were her last day, she’ll do it right.