I am working my way through an emotional situation. That’s not really the right description, but I can’t think of a better term at the moment. It’s like this: Y….. – I have to use Y because I used X last time and if I use X again you’ll think I’m talking about X and, really, I’m trying to start a new thought here. 🙂 Okay. Take 2, from the top…. Y is behaving a certain way. This is how Y behaves. I know this. It was/is not a secret to me. But I don’t WANT Y to behave that way. I WANT Y to behave MY way. Perhaps you can see the situation? I understand full well that this is my problem, not Y’s. So I am working on MY attitude, my approach to the situation. If it were only a case of accepting that this is how Y behaves, well, that I believe I can do. But this behavior is impinging on my actions. So I have to make some decisions about what I want to do. And it’s not that easy.
But this blog isn’t about the situation or my decision. It’s about how to reach a decision. I can’t really discuss the matter with anyone. It’s personal, obviously. I can’t talk to people who know Y and I can’t talk to people who don’t know Y. It’s nobody’s business if they know us and if they don’t know both of us nothing makes sense anyway. So I’m left to my own devices. How do I refine and articulate the issue? How do I test each possible approach? How do I find an outlet for the emotional and mental energy that is boiling about in my body? I suppose I could get on the treadmill and run, but my knees would never last the course. 🙂
So I’m writing haikus. Yep, I write them in my head all day long. All night, too. I wake up and find myself thinking on this, and I start composing haikus. I write some down – the ones that seem most crystalized. I’ve begun placing them in a sequence, showing my progression. Why haikus? Because I find that the meter (5-7-5) forces me to hone my thoughts and feelings. I must search for the exact right word that denotes that aspect. I can’t run on and on and on as I do when I write. I can’t use 3 words to describe one feeling. I can’t stray from the point. I find that as I think and edit and redact and revise (see – I told you I like multiple words to describe the same thing) the muddy jumbled feelings rez into articulation.
I had the answer
Knew my way for ten minutes
Then realized I lie.