The Discerning Eye

I really do not observe very well. There is nothing wrong with my vision (well, maybe that’s debatable) but basically I can see what’s there. I don’t observe, however. At least, I don’t observe in SL. Right from the beginning I decided that there was no point in knowing what people looked like, because they change all the time. I don’t, but I think I’m in a minority. I focus on the text: avatar names, labels, local chat, IM. I almost never cam about. I tend to pull my camera to one general over-all view and then socialize. People are always asking me “do you see that?” or they all comment in local chat about someone’s appearance/arrival and I have not seen it. People always say to me “watch this” and I still struggle with my camera to find where the “this” is that I am supposed to watch. In a sense, this is very odd, since I think that I typically learn visually – by SEEING pictures or actions. When my husband and I learned to ballroom dance (and oh my, we are HOT, trust me) he would stand there with his teacher discussing in great deal WHAT he was to do. My teacher would grab me and lead me through my paces. I could watch in the mirrors, feel my body learn what it was to do, watch when my teacher demo’d with another teacher or student. Visual learning. But for some reason, I’m really bad at this in SL. LOL. Ask poor Honour, who has been trying for months to teach me to use my camera, to build, to OBSERVE. Still, my typical approach is really NOT visual.

I was in a fashion show the other day. We were all requested to be brunettes with short hair (we were modelling jewelry, need to display those earrings!). So I found some hair, modified it a bit (it was in my face and another lock stuck out too much) and there I was – brunette. I was chatting with a friend and said that NO ONE would recognize me, since people always seem to comment on my blonde hair and to find me by my hair. I amended that statement by saying Calli and Dale would recognize me. The two of them definitely OBSERVE. Calli saw a picture of me and recognized the skin I was wearing. I was totally blown away, as I’d not worn that skin in months in SL. But she was right. Dale is usually the first to notice if I’ve goofed and worn an entire folder, thereby blowing away my usual shape/features. *grin* Dale notices before *I* do. I just do NOT see. But I figure most people see my hair and nothing more.

Either I am totally wrong and in the minority about how most people view SL avatars, or add my husband to the group with discernment. There I was, all brunette, on my pose ball for the show. My name was not showing in the particular view I had up. My husband walked over, looked at the screen. He said “Who’s that? Oh, it’s you.” I looked at him and said “how do you know it’s ME?” He said “I recognize you – that’s your face.” I was totally blown away. He recognizes my avatar’s FACE????? I’m not sure that *I* would recognize my face. Maybe, but probably not. Actually – he has also noticed when I’ve blown away my shape. So, either I’m totally out of things, or my husband KNOWS me.

What about you? What do YOU see? (LOL – I know – if I was running Emerald- I would at least know WHERE you were looking) Do you know me without my hair? Do you recognize YOURSELF in the viewer?

Getting Comfy

Oh, yeah, Opensim is starting to feel more like home. *grin* Major hugs and thanks to Natalya! And to Dz too!

Hair – Version 2

*grin* It’s getting better, no question about that. What do you think, RL friends? Is that my hair? I’m not sure why you can still see the edges of the prims. I have my expert adviser looking into it. Because I had that problem with version 1 and I thought I solved it. Also, it’s still perhaps a bit thin in spots. I want to rebuild the top from scratch. I had help with that – I want to do it ALL myself. *grin* Yes, I am being incredibly stubborn. But when I give this to anyone else – the only name on it should be MINE. I’ve had a request for white hair, so that it can be changed to any color. My expert needs to get back to me on that as well. But I’m quite pleased. This will do quite nicely in Opensim until version 3 is ready. I think I’d like to maybe take a break and start on boots.

SL is a Mirror of my Soul

There is a lively conversation going on at my company concerning avatar appearance. Much of it started with a coworker posting the following:

having an AV can be a positive, educational experience: I’ve heard people talk about how it can be a chance to ’start all over again’. And it can be that: our AVs may be tougher, or more sensitive, or more masculine, or feminine, than our real-world selves. And our RL selves can learn from the experience.
…
And one thing I’ve noticed is that people demand the use of their real names during real business events. Doubly so if they’re a ‘mover & shaker’ with a Big Name and a Big Reputation. They’d also like for their AVs to look exactly like their RL selves, too — but The Name is the important part.

At approximately the same time as this thread appeared, I was listening to a Metanomics show.  Robert Bloomfield offers a Connecting the Dots segment where he comments on feedback.  I regret that I can’t seem to find the appropriate link for the segment that I heard.  But if my memory serves me correctly, he spoke about avatar appearance and “Are you really going out looking like THAT?”.  His point was that for business conducted in a virtual world, you need to LOOK like a RL business person. That opinion is supported by another coworker who posted that, according to a survey of business people, the majority of those polled wanted their “work” AVs to have both their RL name but also look like themselves.

Interesting. I have no problem with my avatar bearing my RL name for business meetings in a virtual world. I even agree that it is NECESSARY for a work avatar to bear the RL name. I am also sure that the first person had it right – the bigger the name, the greater the demand to have it displayed. Hey – that’s life. That person worked hard (usually) for that reputation. If they are inworld doing business, then it’s important to maintain that identity that gives them status and credibility. But I am not so sure about appearance.

I am quite satisfied, even pleased, with my RL appearance. But I don’t want to look like the physical me when I am in a virtual world. Virtual worlds allow me to portray myself as I see me from the inside. I don’t have to be constrained anymore by physics and gravity and reality and the fortunes of fate. I’ve talked about this before. Your avatar appearance can change your RL experience ( The Stanford Study ). There is no question that my avatar has changed my RL persona and that I have learned a great deal about who I really am.  I am making a definite statement about myself when I customize my avatar. It’s not just vanity. Or maybe it is. So what?   If it’s vanity – I’m STILL conveying something essential about myself. Yet another coworker posted what I think is a fascinating insight:

“I’m almost wondering if this need for reality in identity is actually more of a generational manifestation? “

That coworker goes on to say that the current generation of youth (I’m going to say that for me – I think it’s people 30 and younger) already have developed avatars for themselves and that they carry those representations of themselves through all the social media that they utilize. I agree with this whole-heartedly.

I know that most of you reading this blog are not in SL for business purposes.  But take a moment and think about this.  If you COULD have your avatar look like your physical self, would you?  Now imagine that in your job, your current RL job, you had to hold meetings and do business virtually.  Imagine meeting all your coworkers inworld.   Now what is your answer?

SL is not the mirror of my body.  SL is the mirror of my soul.

Appearances DO Matter

Two of my favorite bloggers have touched upon one of my favorite topics: appearances in a virtual world. I blogged about this waaaaaay back in my truly early days, when I asked Is a Virtual World a Good Thing? (July 7, 2008) The true irony is that in THAT post I was whining about not wanting to fuss about details such as my hair, skin, etc. Well, well, well, how things have changed, no? By the way – this first picture…. that is me. Changed. I made that brown hair. That’s the truth.

I was born into SL. There is so much free content here that allows you to customize your avatar. Without much effort you can change your hair, your skin, your walk, your sit, your clothes, your shape, your gender, your fur, your wings, your tentacles…. I think you understand. Even more to the point – you have some very good choices for default avatars. As I watch newbies coming through the gateway, wearing MY original avatar, I am still impressed by what a relatively good avatar that is. Yes – I STILL like the hair. But I’ve been working in Opensim a LOT lately. I have become such an appearance snob that when I had to create an avatar in OS I refused to use my name. I vowed that Ahuva Heliosense had a reputation to maintain and she would NOT be found in OS until her boots, hair and AO were there with her. Aren’t I totally ridiculous??? But I mean it – if you see what her poor sister Summer looks like – omg – what a real dweeb. And she walks like a complete and utter newb. Barefoot. I absolutely cannot stand how Summer looks (sorry, Hon, but you really are somewhat of an embarrassment). Because I can’t stand watching Summer, I really do not enjoy my time in Opensim as much as I could. The appearance detracts from the experience and I do NOT go there as often as I should/could. Let me mention again the Stanford Study (research done in 2006 by Nick Yee. ) and its conclusions about avatar appearance on the real-life person.

I am not unique. Although the techies with whom I associate don’t seem to be as perturbed by their appearances as I, most of the world are not techies. *grin* Honest – that’s the truth. Corporations who are trying to do business in virtual worlds need to understand that appearances matter, realism matters. If the users are not enjoying the experience – it’s going to fail. The avatars need to look good, move well, and have textured, well-made content. As Honour would say – textures are the foundation for SL. If the content does not have good textures – no one is going to enjoy the view. And if the customers don’t like the view – THEY LEAVE.

There is a continuum of life-like appearance. Back in July I found Ariane Barnes and her post on the Uncanny Valley. Prad Prathivi is talking about the Uncanny Valley also. Prad mentions his own reaction to life-like avatars and how the reaction changes. Someone offered to take a RL picture of me and make my avatar look like me. THAT life-like I don’t want. But I have colleagues that DO want that. The continuum will be different for each of us. We need the ability to customize our avatars ourselves, easily, in order to make the virtual world a world that fits OUR needs.

Shenlei Flasheart is writing about Business-to-Consumer corporations (B2C) moving into virtual worlds. Fashion Research Institute has been contacted by corporations wishing to provide contact to their virtual world employees. Unfortunately, most of the people driving the projects for these corporations have no idea of what is involved to provide good, realistic content. Apparently they do not budget for that and are stunned when someone gives them a realistic estimate of the time and effort involved (read: “cost”) to produce content that will satisfy their employees. If the employees think that they look like unattractive, stiff dweebs – the employees are NOT going to participate wholly and the project will FAIL. Several friends have pointed out the case study that LL has posted on the SL blogs. This case study shows how IBM “got it” about making the employee experience a good one. Which means that it was a SUCCESSFUL experience and IBM benefited. If they can “get it” – let’s hope other companies can as well. I sure hope someone is listening out there.

You’ve Come a Long Way, Baby

Although I am totally immersed in SL and am so at home here, I often feel like a newbie. I think many of my friends regard me as quite “young” still. To my great relief and happiness, my friends still mentor me and give me tips, hints, suggestions and clues for making my life in SL smoother and more fun. But compared to a REAL newbie – I am sooooo NOT a newbie anymore.

Shengri La is now an official SL Gateway (Fashion Research Institute). I often drop-in to help out, see who all is rezzing in. It is a mad house there. I had no idea how many people rez in each MINUTE. Half the time I try to drop-in, I can’t get there because the sim is full. I’ve had to rez nearby and WALK in. LOL. But I do try to stop in at least once a week (and it really should be more often) and try to help newbies the way all the good folk helped me.

The first thing that strikes me each time is how grateful I am to have an AO. Remember back whenever in the fall when my friend mentioned I looked “stiff”? Okay, she wins. (Actually, she ALWAYS wins but that is a completely different story.) I LOVE my AO. Sure, there are 2 animations of which I’m not overly fond, but I’m more lazy than I am displeased so I’ve not removed them yet. But watching newbies walk about and stand – wow, stiff dweebs. I’m sorry – that’s just the truth. (And why I HATE working in opensim. Which is also another story. But there at least I am working a deal to get an AO, skin and hair. LOL).

The second thing that I notice is the newbies’ total lack of comprehension. They don’t know where they are, that they are all new, why they are there, or what they should be doing. Ah yes, I remember that well. Most of you reading this probably joined me some time along my adventures, as I met you in SL. But there are a few readers (/me waves hi to M and B, who have been reading since day 1 – Hi guys!!!) who remember how I got started here. I did my research BEFORE I signed up. Not only did I read up on SL and try to learn about it, I even contacted people who were already in-world, lining up my support team, as it were. Okay, not everyone has that luxury. But really – if you don’t know what SL is, why did you sign up?????? Why are you here??? YOU must have had SOME reason. Of course they did…. the streets of SL are paved with sex and money. /me does search on the map to find that sim.

Well, I truly must be the most repulsive or most unapproachable avatar in all of SL. Despite hanging around with the newbs, and despite hearing such conversations around me, do you realize that STILL not one person has propositioned me yet????? /me shakes head in bafflement. I don’t WANT them to proposition me, really, but the fact that everyone else seems to be hit on could make me wonder what’s wrong with me. (Good thing the auction is still fresh in my memory.) My first day at the hatching farm (gateway *grin*) when I had to walk in, I encountered two newbies who had strayed from the shelter. I met the woman first and was trying to guide her back to the stores and welcome area. Then we encountered the male. Immediately the male was propositioning the female, and they were trying to figure out HOW to do IT. In local chat of course. I said to them both that it was a totally inappropriate conversation and that if they were interested in performing that action at this time, I was not interested in waiting about to help them. The woman was quite surprised and asked me WHY it was inappropriate. Sheesh. Didn’t your mother teach you ANYTHING???? /me shuts mouth before more judgmental remarks slip out. I headed into the Gateway, leaving them to try to figure out how it’s done in SL.

The Gateway is hilarious, as well as maddening. You can’t move without bumping into someone else, because there are so many people. And they bump into you. And everyone is talking in local chat and they haven’t learned any SL conventions yet. *grin* I wait til I hear a specific question, or I see someone standing by themselves. Then I cut them from the herd and try to talk to them. Often someone else joins in. I’m always pleasantly surprised by how fast some people catch on to IM’ing, moving, flying, inventory. I was so completely clueless for days. I know now that a great deal of my problems were due to the terrible hardware issues I was having. Once I resolved that, SL began rezzing quickly and properly and everything made much more sense. So often I wonder if there is a correlation between the people who “get it” quickly and their computer hardware.

I love watching as they all get items in their inventory. Soooo many nice things for free in the Gateway, but you MUST be a newbie to get them. Sigh. The vending machines tell me that I am too old. Some of the outfits are quite interesting. And some of the people – gee, they look very very familiar somehow.

Personal Business

Maybe you’ve noticed by now that my method of dealing with pain is to drag it out in the open, stare at it, try to find something humorous about it, let go of the anger, and then remedy whatever caused the pain. Well, that’s what I think I do. LOL. Probably that’s not what I do at all, but since I’m too close to the situation, I can’t see what it is that I REALLY do. But that’s life, isn’t it?

So having nursed the indignity of being told that I was “stiff”, having received much loving care and ego-strokes from my friends AND gotten a post out of it as well, I decided that the time had come to address the issue. There were two options: buy or make. Oh, remember my brave dreams and words back in June, when I thought that I might actually learn to build and script? Somehow I’ve been side-tracked into partying and socializing and viewing art and, of course, buying boots. So although I do WANT to learn to build my own AO, I decided that would take too long. My injured pride needed salve NOW. So I began looking. Since I trust Bailey and Chestnut, I started looking at Vista AOs. Many times in SL, I know that I am “home”, that this is where I belong. Other times….. well, I figure I’m really in a bad anxiety dream and that, oh please, any moment I will wake up. Shopping for an AO falls into the anxiety dream category.

I did a search on “Vista” and tp’d to their main store. Maybe I was tired, maybe I’m simply an idiot. But I found the experience a bit overwhelming and numbing. I’d actually been there a few days (or maybe weeks by now) earlier and had been so taken aback by all the choices and options and gadgets that I’d fled. This time I resolved to hold my ground. I went to the first signs and machines up front. The typical AO try-outs that I’d seen in the past have stands. You stand on them and then click through the options for that AO. But these machines were simply posts – no stand. It seemed that I should be able to touch the machine and try different AO’s and walk about. At least, that is how *I* read the sign. I am as clueless now as I was the very first time I walked in there. But I figured I understood the other machines. So I steeled myself and went and tried every single AO package for females that they had. Oh wow. It never occurred to me that one “needed” so many options. Stands, walks, runs, flying, sitting, sit anywhere, crawl, swim, ab crunches (right – I am SO not in SL to exercise ). While all of the packages had some animations that I liked, most had more that I didn’t like. And they are quite expensive. Well, if I’d LIKED them more, they wouldn’t have been expensive. But to pay that much for only liking 20-30% and not liking 70-80%? Plus the packages seemed so similar. How to decide??? I tried Vista, Abraminations, and somewhere else. None of them appealed. So I quit.

Luckily Issa logged on shortly thereafter. I whined and moaned to her about how I “needed” an AO and didn’t know how to choose. To my great fortune and delight, Issa had time to play that night. And so off we went. Back to all the same stores where I’d been. But somehow it was so much less stressful with my own personal shopper!!! There have been MANY times in SL when I’ve been shopping and thought “If only there were someone to ask….”. So there’s a business niche for SL entrepreneurs: Personal Shopper. Maybe this service already exists in SL – heaven knows everything else seems to be there. Anyway, Issa and I tp’d to store after store and I walked, stood, sat, crawled, swam and flew through all the AO paces. It’s curious, but it would become apparent nearly immediately whether or not an AO was “right” for me. Issa and I had much the same concept of what fit me and what simply was not me. I ended up buying an older model Vista AO. Of course Issa then had to give me a lesson on how to set it up, how to use it. Issa is a wonderful, patient kind soul who took the time to spell everything out in the simplest terms for me. Thank you Issa – you are the best!!!!!

So now I can stand with the most natural of them. I can walk my sexy walk. I can sit anywhere. When I fly, I have SUCH a lady-like way of landing. And I love my AO. Yep, I do. Now I know what X meant and, rats, X was right. I did look stiff and now I look better. LOL. I am still trying to remember to turn it off to dance and then remember to turn it back on. Turn it off to use a different sit and turn it back on. But I am getting a bit smoother at it all.

So /me tosses my hair back from my face, shifts weight, sits, crosses my legs and prepares to write about my adventures looking for a mani/pedi. Bet you can’t wait, huh?

Sex in SL

I was chatting with a new friend the other night. First off this friend complained about my use of X and Y instead of names. “Make up names” I was urged. Fine. Never let it be said that I am not responsive to my readers. So I was chatting with a friend, Bea, the other night.

Bea and I were talking about sex. I know. How unusual in SL. or RL. Well, Dale already ruined my surprise – guessed that there is indeed sex in SL. There is lots of it, in fact. And you learn to take it in stride. So I know or have encountered RL men who are SL women, RL “straights” indulging in SL “bent”, herms, TG, TS, Gorean, BDSM (Hey – I don’t post EVERYTHING on this blog, you know??). I don’t think that I’ve encountered RL women who are SL men but then, would I know? And, of course, there are the non-human avatars.

I’m trying to remember if I’ve ever even slow-danced with a furry. I know that i’ve gone rock n’ rollin’ with them. But I think I’ve only slow-danced w/ human avs. Obviously I need to remedy that situation. I wouldn’t want to be accused of being narrow-minded. And I can tell you truthfully, straight-out – I’ve NEVER had sex with a furry. Which leads me to……

Bea and I were talking about all the different sex/love possiblities inworld. And we stumbled upon an interesting issue. Suppose Bea was a bunny av? NOT playboy bunny, silly. But a REAL bunny – you know, like Flopsy, Mopsy or Cottontail. If Bea and I were to have sex….. eeewwwww. Somehow that seemed very wrong to both of us. Now it may NOT seem wrong to you. I have no problem with that. Just don’t put on your bunny av and ask ME to, um, yeah, whatever. But what if I were a bunny ALSO??? Would THAT be wrong???? Bea said yes. You know what? I say no. Somehow two bunnies together – that seems like a beautiful thing to me. On the other hand…. a bunny and a non-bunny, say a bunny and a dog? Wrong wrong wrong. (In case a disclaimer is necessary here: I am being light-hearted and facetious!!!! Do NOT take this too seriously!! )

Photo credits: found ‘em via google. 2 bunnies: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Image:Rabbits_DSC00372.JPG Bunny & Dog: http://fuzzywuzzyblog.files.wordpress.com/2007/10/bn-bunny7.jpg

Little Tiny Fingers

Shenlei Flasheart has posted one of the most moving and enlightening entries I have seen in a blog. I do like flash and glitter and beads and sequins. I had no idea the price that is paid to produce such items. Should I be indulging in such clothing now, I will make very sure that I know exactly how it was produced. As Michele Hyacinth has said – the process is often the exact opposite of the beautiful end result.

Appearances Matter

I wrote this post a few days ago, before the LL price hike announcement. Maybe this is a good time to post this, maybe this is terrible timing. I’m not really sure. But this post explains one of the reasons why I like being in SL and why I view it as a positive experience, despite the occasional blip.

Reading through endless blogs and following links, I ended up back on Hamlet Au’s blog. He mentioned the Stanford Study, research done in 2006 by Nick Yee. The study was way more than I could handle in my greatly-fatigued state, so I am relying on Au’s summary. Basically, and I am copying this directly from Au’s blog: Yee “found that people using physically attractive avatars tend to exhibit more self-confidence, both in-world… and in the real world.” I’m no scientist/psychologist/expert, but I am a human being. And I’d have to say that my own experience supports Yee’s conclusions.

My father died 2 years ago. Although it was not unexpected, it was traumatic. I aged years overnight. I felt that I had become the front-line troops. That the security and well-being of my entire family depended on ME. Everyone in the family suffered greatly when we lost my father. Many emotions and issues surfaced. I realized that I had to grow up emotionally and psychologically or my life and my marriage were going to spiral down into depths from which they might never recover. I’ve already directed you to Botgirl Questi’s blog and her mention of Byron Katie. I am not familiar with Katie myself, but judging from Botgirl’s comments, the philosophy sounds much like the one I managed to embrace and internalize. There is no question that I was able to save my sanity (and thereby my health and the well-being of my family) by changing the way I look at life.

I have learned to really like myself. I have learned to look at others and accept them for who they are and what they are and to throw away my demands of what they “should do/be”. (Okay, my dear son – this does NOT apply to you – I am your mother. I have a FULL set of expectations for YOU and your behavior. Sorry. That’s my job! ) Anyway, the point here is that I have reached a stage where I like who I am. And yet…. I still have issues left from those wonderful teen-age years. C’mon – we all do. But I have discovered SL.

Here in SL I can choose what parts of my RL existence are emphasized and which are played down. Ahuva is me, I am Ahuva. There is no difference. One of my SL friends has great difficulty believing that I am so “immersed”. I’m not really immersed. I simply am. But let’s face it. Ahuva NEVER wakes up with any physical aches or pains or zits or other aggravations. Ahuva’s clothes fit perfectly, or all it takes is a mild edit. She can dance all night in stiletto heels and look fresh and relaxed and pay no price the next day. Ahuva and I both react to stress by buying more boots.

Since Ahuva IS me, since she is doing what I like to do, being who I am, Ahuva is inside of me in RL. I walk about and I am She and She is Me. I walk like Ahuva. I feel the same confidence in me that Ahuva exhibits when she moves about inworld. I feel a lot of that buried teen-age angst dissolving. As Ahuva’s appearance has been tweaked and modified, so has my RL appearance. I hear again and again from people about how “great” I look. I look and sound younger. I have much more energy and excitement than I’ve had in years. I look hot. LOL (You GO girl!! ) I’ve lost weight. I went back to wearing my hair a different style. I have a picture posted on my social network that shows us side by side. We are NOT identical, but everyone sees the similarity, the connection. (And Ahuva’s profile has been updated too – forced her to be a little more honest about what she was doing inworld ) I was doing okay before SL. But Ahuva and I together – we are really quite a team.