Archive for the 'RL happenings' Category

New Year’s Eve 2013/2014

To a good new year!
May you be happy and well
May we live in peace

From Push to Pain

Day 2 of walking and rowing. Push that foot. This is what went through my head during the last quarter mile:

PUSH
posh
post
port
porn
morn
moan
loan
loin
lain
PAIN

/me reaches for the ice pack. :)

Another Step Forward

Things were VERY bad this morning. I was extremely stressed out. Many issues that are “real” and probably some that only seem to be issues because of lack of sleep or insufficient hydration or whatever. I was able to walk in 3.5 inch heels on Thursday, but not very well. PT on Friday didn’t go very well either – could not get the one toe to unlock and flex. Sigh. Things such as that accumulated. As has my weight. Ugh. Before noon the big cranky gray cat had attacked the black kitten twice. I was wound tight and tighter. What to do?

inch by inchIn the past, when I’ve reached that ready-to-scream-and-snap state, I’ve worked out. Okay, well then, I’ve been doing the grocery shopping (1.5 hours in sneakers & upright & moving). I wore 2.5 inch heels all day at the beginning of the week. Surgeon has said I’ll do more harm now by babying the foot than by pushing the limits. It wasn’t much of a decision. I changed into my workout clothes, grabbed my music and headed for the treadmill. I’ve not worked out in over 6 months, probably much longer. *laughing* I wasn’t even sure the treadmill would START. It did and I stepped on. I walked. I walked and I walked and I walked.

My walking was either pitiful or a major triumph. Or both. The FASTEST rate I got to was 2.4 mph. I used to start warming up at 2.6 mph. I pushed the incline up to 4% as I walked. I might not be going fast today but I could go steep. The triumph is that I walked a mile – nonstop. Considering that a few weeks ago I couldn’t walk at all without a major limp, I was quite pleased, even if it took 27 minutes. I started at 2 mph and got it up to 2.4 before I stopped. Considering there was a time I used to RUN, 2.4 is embarrassing. Considering the last few months, 2.4 is a miracle.

If I can walk, well, I’m sure I can row, too. *grin* Yep, I can row. Again, comparing it to what I used to be able to do, I did wince. Comparing it to the last several months – I rock. 180 strokes in 5 minutes.

Even more to the point, I do not seem to have damaged anything anywhere while I walked and rowed. My mood definitely lifted. No question that I worked out the negative energy that was stressing me. Since I think I’ll still be sufficiently limber tomorrow, I’m planning on doing it again.

Wish me luck and continued endurance and commitment. I hear my shoes calling.

Balancing Act

It’s the weekend, NOT a time for rest but a time to get done all those chores that can’t get done during the work week. The weather has been crazy warm – totally unseasonable and a bit odd, but VERY useful for getting done all the things I couldn’t do in the fall because I couldn’t really walk. I had a GREAT conversation with my doctor this week, which perked up my spirits. I needed his upbeat positive outlook because my foot is actually hurting quite a bit this weekend. I’m not really sure why. I suppose it could be because of using it. Perhaps the warm humid weather is the culprit. I find that when I start to feel overwhelmed or negative, it’s often best to focus on the positive things. So it’s time to make the ledger entries.
weekend ledger
Hmmmmm. Laid out that way, things don’t look too gloomy. I LOVE having my toes polished again. :) What a lift to the spirits. Something so light-hearted, unnecessary and yet inherently cheerful.

Winter Afternoon

snow turning to sleet
warm fire in fireplace
soft kitten in lap

stew cooking on stove
glass of red wine in my hand
staying home – priceless

Facing Reality

Yesterday I went over the river and through the woods. Not to my grandmother’s house, but to work HQ. The delusion is that I can make the drive without becoming fatigued. On a good day the commute there takes me 2 hours. Yesterday was NOT a good day. It took me about an hour to get across the bridge. All the other roads – to the bridge and after the bridge – were wet and many of the other drivers were both stupidly fast and dangerously slow. It took me close to 2.75 hours to get there. Of course the bridge is all stop-and-go. Which means my right foot is in constant use. Ouch. The reality is that by the time I got to HQ, I was exhausted and in pain. Security has been VERY kind to me and let me park in the VIP lot, close to the door, but that is still a walk. I was smarter this time and brought an ice pack with me. I’d left it in the trunk of my car in the hope it would still be mostly frozen by the time I could use it. :) Thinking ahead this time.

I know that healing takes energy. I’ve told many others that in their time. Somehow I have difficulty internalizing that for myself. It seems unbelievable that merely driving my car should be so tiring. Once I’m at the office, it’s non-stop meetings, talk, work. That doesn’t seem as if it should be tiring, either. But it is. Moving my body with my foot still not 100% takes more energy and effort than seems correct. The upside is that I sooooooo enjoy seeing my coworkers, working on our projects face to face, and laughing and joking together. I do gain nourishment and strength from that. Good thing, because last night was the holiday dinner. Again – lovely, fun, and kept me moving and functioning. I even managed the drive home without too much difficulty because it was late, the roads were dry and there was not much traffic. Thank goodness for cruise control!!!!

People are so good at deluding themselves. It’s been over 9 weeks now. Yet I still wake up each day expecting to have ALL my usual energy and strength. “Usual” for about a year ago. Certainly NOT the “usual” for the last several months. But I still think I’m going to wake up, walk, move, and go full out for hours on end without a problem. Knowing something logically is not the same as knowing something in your functioning reality. Like most people I suppose, I’m very quick to assure others that it’s reasonable and right that they not be back at “full power” and they should relax and take care of themselves. But for myself, well, *shake my head in disagreement”, “don’t be silly”, NO REASON why I shouldn’t be able to do it all.

So here I sit, recovering. I’m sooooo much better than I was: stronger, my foot more flexible, in less pain. Better is NOT the same as recovered, however, no matter how much I want to pretend that it is. Ahuva – meet reality. Reality – please try not to bash her over the head too much. :)

Suppertime

Eyes focused on me
Five beings with but one thought
Dinner! Feed us NOW!

Yahrtzeit

The Jewish calendar has many twists and turns. Our dear friend Lalo Telling passed away on the 1st of Tevet on the Hebrew calendar in the year 2012 of the Gregorian calendar. Lalo TellingThat means that his yahrtzeit (the anniversary of his death) occurs during Rosh Chodesh. Some Hebrew months always have TWO days for Rosh Chodesh. Some Hebrew months always have ONE day for Rosh Chodesh. Some months, well, it varies. You probably guessed that for Tevet it varies. This month Tevet has one day, apparently. I believe that means that starting at sundown on December 3, 2013 through sundown December 4, 2013 is the first day of Tevet and is Rosh Chodesh and is indeed Lalo’s yahrtzeit. If I’m wrong – I think Lalo will forgive me.

It’s been a year. I miss him still, very much. Passover came and went without him skyping in to our celebration. Lighting the Edloe ChanukiahAfter only 2 years he was a regular and the other regulars all asked after him and missed his presence. The high holidays came and went in the fall and there was no Lalo to discuss d’vrei Torah and sermons and meaning and customs. Now it’s Chanukah. Last year I flew out to be with him. We lit the Chanukiah, we sang the prayers, we sang other songs and blessings. Despite the sad reason for my presence, we had a very very good time. I am grateful that I had the opportunity to be with him then.

Lalo and I didn’t know each other all that long in SL. We met in the late winter of 2011, inworld. We happened to be at the same musical event. I’d been following his blog and IM’d him to introduce myself. As it happens so often in SL, we clicked. We cared about many of the same things, laughed at the same things, enjoyed playing in SL. Lalo,_Bamboo_and_Ahuva_set_out[1]I still have not written up half the adventures that Lalo, Bamboo and I took together in SL. The one in the truck with Bamboo, when we were run off the road by a tank – that was a true SL/Lalo/Ahuva/Bamboo classic. Shortly after I met him he was blessed with a FL friend and companion, Emspar. He and I had less time to play inworld because his outworld was so full of joy with Emspar and with work. We still had Friday nights at Tribeca with the rest of the gang, and Fridays at The Listening Room with those wonderful folks, and dancing at Fogbound and with Noma and Taunter and Komuso. We visited SL amusements, learned to ride horses at Carriage Trade, did the big SL celebrations. When I look back, by the Gregorian calendar it wasn’t very long. But in SL terms it was. SL has never been quite the same for me since he died. I feel the loss so keenly there. A part of me still checks the friends list to see if he’s logged in yet.

Lalo teaches Bamboo to flyI love to think of Lalo. I love to remember our conversations on Judaism, on engineering, music, books, life. He was intelligent, witty, funny, and so full of interesting information. I miss you, dear friend, more than I could have ever realized. Thank you for enriching my life. Your memory is a blessing to me.

Stop and Go

The morning commute:
Like using a Stairmaster
With bricks on my feet.

There is a Siblinghood

Sheesh. I am soooooo tired of being gender-conscious with politically correct speech. I had an idea for a blog. Friend D just did a favor for Person C. D is all-around nice, helpful, upbeat, fun, smart, cuddly and a good friend. Person C – not so much. D did a BIG favor for C but I’d lay money down to say that had the positions been reversed – not so much. *grin* But this is NOT going to be about that. *laughing* I already got my point across. This was going to be about one of the reasons D said he was happy to oblige.

C laid claim to their mutual membership in the Clan of Geeks. Geekdom is indeed a clan. I’d love to be a geek. Really, I would. I know that typically geeks have difficult childhood and teenage years but then miraculously the rest of the world gets wise and appreciates them. Look – being a teenage girl who didn’t look like THE supermodel of those years was not so pleasant either. I didn’t grow up to be a geek, however. I have many fine qualities and talents (oh yes I do – don’t give me THAT look) but geekiness is not one of them. I hang out with geeks. Some of my best friends are geeks. *grin* I have a very very high geek-patience threshold. I WANTED to call this post: Geeks and the Women Who Love Them. How self-centered, right? It implies all Geeks are men. And that men are only loved by women. That would have been the implication. The true message was meant to be about ME. Of course it was – this is MY blog. I surrendered, however, to what I perceived as political correctness. No “Geeks and the Woman [sic] (yes Michael – I put that in for you. *laughing*) Who Loves Them”. Major hugs to Friend D.

I think I’m so fond of geeks and suffer such geek-envy because I am the daughter of an engineer. Oh yes, in their way engineers are EVERY BIT as geeky as computer geeks. Perhaps with the right teachers in my formative years, or better role models, perhaps I, too, could have grown up to be an engineer. A REAL engineer as we say in MY family – one who can take AND PASS the professional engineer exams. Because I DID grow up to be an engineer ultimately – a software engineer. Ahem. As the daughter and wife of engineers – nope, not the same thing. My SAT scores (remember those lovely exams?) were exactly even between math/science and english/literature. I told my initial college advisor I wanted to make a lot of money because I wasn’t at all sure I’d be happy in love. He pointed me to ceramic engineering. I lasted one quarter – 10 weeks – before realizing that there was no way I’d survive 4 years of engineering classes and the pre-med and engineering students that were in them. I called on my maternal heritage and switched to the liberal arts. My maternal heritage included a HUGE dose of theater (which explains many other things but we’re not going there today), which led to my OTHER desired title to explain Friend D and Person C.

There is a Brotherhood of Man. Oh yes there is. I learned this in my youth, courtesy of Frank Loesser, Abe Burrows, Jack Weinstock, and Willie Gilbert, J. Pierpont Finch and How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying. Shows like this were something about which my engineer dad and my actress mom could agree. Ah, those were the days when we could sing about brotherhoods and men and not feel disenfranchised. *grin*. Yes, I’m being a bit silly.

It’s Thanksgiving here where I am. I’m thankful for all my family and friends, yes, even for my acquaintances like Person C *laughing*. I’m thankful for great music and song. I’m thankful for all the geeks and engineers and all the theater and music folk. C’mon – click the youTube link and smile. They might be singing about the great big brotherhood of man but you’ll notice there’s a blonde in a red dress and red shoes. *grin* Guess which role I want?


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